Existential thoughts

[swordianmaster]

...I never got along with my father's side of the family, short of my grandmother. I never even knew half of them.

I don't know what possessed my mother to look up information on her, but I do know that it spawned her finding and investigating various things, including the fact that one of my uncles died last year (I'd heard nothing of it) and the fact that his son - a kid with a lot of the same emotional and anger control problems as I have/had - is currently in the military, stationed in Kuwait. Out of curiosity, I did a Google search for my name, and found that there's someone else with that name who's currently in a local indie band in Pittsburgh and another someone who lives with the rest of the family I know of in Ocean, NJ. I do not know if they are the same person. The stuff that actually was from me? A game review (from back when I was freelancing at WorthPlaying) and a MST (because goddamn it part of me needs to harass JChance to take those down because they are seriously old shames and I never want to see them again ever.)

Either way, it got me to thinking.

I've never done anything really special with my life.
I never WANTED to do anything special with my life. I still don't.
I just want to enjoy myself while I'm here and fade away without so much as a whimper in the cosmic scheme of things.

Does that make me bad?

That I don't want to achieve?

Comments

[jchance.livejournal.com]

Until you mentioned 'em, I doubt anyone had looked at that old page in months, maybe years. I've half thought of taking the thing down as an offence against web design...

Anyway, I still maintain you had some good jokes in the lot, just with an excessive habit of repeating them, which I shared too.

And...well, I don't think there's anything so terrible in not wanting to achieve. At least, I have to say it's easier than where I was for most of the last couple years, wanting to while labouring under a bad case of mental constipation.

[swordianmaster.livejournal.com]

I also had a FLAGRANT case of Mary Sue and absolutely no idea what actual humour was. Well, aside from, as you said, the few good jokes I had.

Seriously, looking back at them, I wonder how my sixteen-year-old mind ever thought they were high-quality, however.

[xyzzysqrl]

Some days I wonder if basically "Having no ambition" will be the trait that defines this particular generation.

Needless to say, me too.

[swordianmaster.livejournal.com]

Nah. This generation will be defined by the fact that the world'll end in just about three years.