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I've been bouncing back and forth for the past three hours between homocidal rage and soul-crushing depression. Having taken a walk to clear my mind, I find myself firmly mired, now, in the latter.
I don't know how much longer I can take this.
DeAnna's luck is as good as ever; after being told she was "unofficially guarunteed" a job, she gets screwed out of the position at the last possible moment. Money is just as tight as ever, and I can't even get any sort of reprieve since my one way of finding release involves mindlessly blowing money.
Since early March, I've gained roughly 20 pounds due to inactivity and depression. It's not healthy for me, and by this point others have sincerely started to notice.
Unlike others who find their sleep hounded by constant nightmares, my sleep is empty. Dreamless. I find myself unable to sit still for extended periods, even at home in front of the computer, without starting to pass out. I've actually blacked out at points at work, and I fear it might eventually jeopardize my employment. I've passed out while watching my daughter, during which time she's free to scrounge in places she isn't supposed to be in, and could eventually hurt herself and I'll be oblivious to it. I, unlike her mother, have slept through my daughter crying.
I can hardly concentrate on writing any more. Something that brought me untold pleasure in the past is now a dark spot of nothing but fear, pain, and regret. WorthPlaying has probably gotten rid of me now; not that I blame them. Technically, I owe them $150 worth of games and/or reviews.
I just.... sometimes I just need to wring the literal life out of something. Inanimate objects don't work, and I find myself only able to take it out on the weak and defenseless since I'm not strong enough to hold my own against a real, aware human being.
I'm pathetic, and I just want to curl up somewhere and die.
I don't know how much longer I can take this.
DeAnna's luck is as good as ever; after being told she was "unofficially guarunteed" a job, she gets screwed out of the position at the last possible moment. Money is just as tight as ever, and I can't even get any sort of reprieve since my one way of finding release involves mindlessly blowing money.
Since early March, I've gained roughly 20 pounds due to inactivity and depression. It's not healthy for me, and by this point others have sincerely started to notice.
Unlike others who find their sleep hounded by constant nightmares, my sleep is empty. Dreamless. I find myself unable to sit still for extended periods, even at home in front of the computer, without starting to pass out. I've actually blacked out at points at work, and I fear it might eventually jeopardize my employment. I've passed out while watching my daughter, during which time she's free to scrounge in places she isn't supposed to be in, and could eventually hurt herself and I'll be oblivious to it. I, unlike her mother, have slept through my daughter crying.
I can hardly concentrate on writing any more. Something that brought me untold pleasure in the past is now a dark spot of nothing but fear, pain, and regret. WorthPlaying has probably gotten rid of me now; not that I blame them. Technically, I owe them $150 worth of games and/or reviews.
I just.... sometimes I just need to wring the literal life out of something. Inanimate objects don't work, and I find myself only able to take it out on the weak and defenseless since I'm not strong enough to hold my own against a real, aware human being.
I'm pathetic, and I just want to curl up somewhere and die.
