2017 in review...? No, more of a braindump.

[swordianmaster]

First, kjorteo posted a deep, heartfelt, incredibly soul-searching rundown of this year.
Then, xyzzysqrl posted a smaller, more intentful one meant to stake her claim on the new year ahead.

Then, the shitposting urge attacked. And I'm writing.

In the news world, 2017 was garbage. It was actual human waste, filth of the highest caliber. Everything wrong with the past decade came to a head and now the hot-button debate isn't countries fighting each other or terrorism or anything like that. Thanks to 2017, the big argument is "is it alright to violate the basic rights of other human beings?" and the reason that is an argument is because the people in power insist that if those rights are violated, then obviously those people aren't humans, so no harm no foul RIGHT, RIGHT? Now shut up and get paid two cents an hour to work on these racism memes, internet slave.

In the meatspace world, 2017 was mostly garbage. We got rid of the violent, abusive stepdaughter who ran ragged over her mother, but instead we picked up a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend who is crashing on our couch to this day that contributes far less than she detracts. It was a zero-sum. In addition, we ended up being forced to move due to maintenance problems, and now we're paying $100 a month more in rent for no other reason than we didn't want faulty electrical. We're still infested with bedbugs (even at the new place, which isn't something I feel good about - we brought them with us and I'm afraid that's gonna hurt us HARD in the future) but now we also have fleas and cockroaches and ants in a turf war. Have I mentioned I have a phobia of ants to rival most people with spiders? Yeah. yeeeeah.

In the world of my head... I don't even know. My anxiety is still unchecked, my mouth is still falling apart (Mountain Dew Mouth is real and it is terrifying and toothaches are a semi-regular occurance now) but I'm... more secure in who I am? Or maybe I'm more cynical and care less. Is there really a difference?

I resolved, last year, to be more optimistic because the world needed it.

I failed that one miserably. Great googly moogley, it's all gone to shit, kupo.

I don't know what to resolve, this year.

Comments

[kjorteo]

It has been a year, for sure. You're actually not the only one on my reading page on the "Well Celine made this deep heartfelt thing with personal progress and everything but on my end everything was on fire forever" end, recap-wise, but even mine had like half the entry you could skip because everything was terrible. I just kind of put on a brave face for the rest of it, I guess?

But we'll get there, though. I do believe that. We made it this far and we have each other. As always, I'm here if you need anything, yeah? *Hug*

[penguinmayhem]

When the world is shit, all you can do is shitpost.

But in all truth, good luck to you. And don't be too hard on yourself, okay?

[swordianmaster]

It's....

Aside from the low buzz of Internet Toxicity thanks to places like Twitter and events like Everything Being Run By Nazis, it's been just as bad as every other year since I moved to Texas.

I've been struggling for 7 years. It's not new, or worse than normal. That's why I'm confident things will eventually return to nothing. To a neutral state where things aren't actually fine but nobody's in immediate danger.

[swordianmaster]

It's hard not to be. Like came up on Telegram earlier, there's thirty-four years of systemic oppression working to keep me hating myself.

I don't know how to fight it if I can.

[penguinmayhem]

Now there's a problem there just isn't any easy answer for. Having people who care helps, though. Finding the good things underneath all the mass media ocean of bad news fetishization can help undermine all the negativity.

Personally, I feel like the big turning point is that so much bad stuff has been getting attention lately, but none of it's new. None of it was stuff that wasn't already happening. That people are actually upset about this stuff now, that these things cause controversy and outrage and huge social pushback, that means something. That means society is getting less tolerant of some awful shit, and getting more capable of digging it out. That feels like progress to me.

Just, like, could you maybe hurry up a bit, society?

I dunno, I'm not really sure what to say, I'm kinda bad at the whole understanding people.

[swordianmaster]

Believe it or not, it's helping. Not just because I get what you're saying, but because you're here.

I was beginning to wonder if I was only posting here for the sake of two people who I talk to on Telegram on the regular and nobody else, so having that reassurance that yes, other people are reading... it helps.