...Wow.

You spend your whole life preparing for the feeling, and the first two or three times it actually happens, be it to family or even close friends, it completely floors you anyway.

I wouldn't blame any of you if you didn't remember me mentioning her, but June Reese was in charge of the Trips and Tours here, as well as the senior social dances every month.

I say was, because I found out that she passed away Wednesday.

She was a spaz, I'll say that much right here and now. For better or worse, she freaked out and ran around like a chicken with her head cut off at EVERYTHING that didn't go exactly to plan. But at the same time, that showed something about her that many people here at the city don't have. It showed that she CARED. That she had passion for her work.

She drove me nuts and I swear half the time she was senile and the other half she acted it just to get people to leave her be, but she really was an awesome person and I'm gonna miss her. She was one of the few remaining staff other than me who worked at the old center.

I'm not sure how old she was, but it was in her late 70s or early 80s... I'm not sure on the specifics of how she passed, but from what I can tell it was some sort of flu-related cause.

Rest in peace, June. You'll be missed, even by someone who's two generations your junior.
Okay, so I'm sitting here (at work), thinking "I'm really not going to be able to get up the resolve to do this" ('this' being a hideous monthly project that pretty much entails 'let's get Sword to hate all numbers forever' and yeah, it's not really so monumental in time constraints except when it's been left by me - AND MY SUPERVISOR I SHOULD NOTE - until the last minute ) and wondering to myself: Should I try to even bother bullshitting that I'm gonna do it (and in turn end up taking work home because I bring my home to work with me too what with dicking around on the computer so much ) or should I just deal with the fallout by saying 'I forgot'?

Because seriously. Fuck these fucking fuck attendance reports. I should have never fucking accepted the responsibility of doing them for my boss. Other department leaders do them on their own, why can't she.

tl;dr,

Also, don't bother bitching at me about shirking responsibility. I know. I've heard it a bajillion times before. And maybe? If EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS CITY weren't mindless busywork that could be remedied in a FRACTION of the time by putting it into a digital format? I might care.

Seriously I think this city has killed an entire fucking forest with all its fucking papertrails. And then they whine about it BUT DON'T CHANGE IT. fhgsrfhxhbd

gonna be so glad when I can finally move out
swordianmaster: (NYAOOOOW I RUN FAST)
( Feb. 4th, 2009 05:31 pm)
Boredom at work seminars + highlighter-pen + Sword's AWESOME ART SKILLZ

= icon post zlol
I hate large crowds of people.

I hate it when large crowds of people MILL AROUND LIKE CATTLE before going where they need to go, which is to say, ANYWHERE BUT HERE.

I hate feeling like people have no faith in me because they always have a fucking conniption fit every time something like this happens even though I have proven time and again I am able to pull through in a situation IDENTICAL to this.

More info later when I'm either off work or when I'm done with what I need getting done.
swordianmaster: (with the pills and the poppoppoppoppop)
( Jul. 19th, 2008 09:46 am)
This. Is the boringest. Day. Ever.

And I'm only two hours in, not counting the hour before opening the center that I come in.

Making it worse is the fact that two of my bestest bestest online friends ([livejournal.com profile] carriepika and [livejournal.com profile] bossgoji) are BOTH in the middle of long, grueling out-of-state rides liable to be full of assdeath and absolutely no internets. As of such, I am SO RONERY.

Add in the fact that I have approximately NO work to do today, the fact that my DS will only last 6 hours or so (out of a 10 hour shift, that means a good part will be spent game-less, at the very least) and that these computers suck copious amounts of ass... I dunno. Maybe I'll try to download some low-requirement emulators on my SD Card and see if I can run 'em off of these clunkers. I'd be stuck using the keyboard, but it beats staring at a blank screen all day.

For those who haven't heard from me, I'm doing better, for varying quantities of "better". Ever since my breakdown last week, I've been on a hair trigger - losing my cool more often, getting more irritated by my daughter acting like ANY two year old would, that sort of thing. I'm also seriously jonesing for the ability to get a Gamecube and play Sonic Adventure 2 Battle again. Sadly, I lack even the $40 or so in spare funds it would cost to buy them used from the Gamestop Mafia. :\ And no, I'm not trading in any of the games I have. (Currently: Elite Beat Agents, WarioWare Twisted, WarioWare Touched, PMD: Explorers of Darkness, and FFTA2. Yeah, that's it)

It's been a while since I've just up-and-rambled about stuff on my El Jay, so I guess it was well overdue. Woobie woobie woobie.

Caramel + Danzig = Caramelldansen???
swordianmaster: (Default)
( May. 19th, 2007 04:31 pm)
I need to update this more often. I mean, jeez. I have RP LJs that update at least once a week, and the last time I updated my actual real life journal was... September of last year?

Yeah. Not to say that I haven't been busy. Ariana is a handful, as any one-year-old girl is bound to be. She just started walking a week ago, and is getting closer and closer to babbling in real words instead of babytalk. Changing diapers is still disgusting, though.

I'm in kind of an odd situation with the reviewing: It's something I love doing, but at the same time... I've been getting stuck on specific games and just obsessing over them for long spans of time, which hinders me on the reviewing front. First it was FF12, then Rogue Galaxy, and now Pokemon Pearl. I've got three reviews almost a month or two overdue now.. :\ Sorry, [livejournal.com profile] misangeles... I promise you I'll get them done, and if you want me to resign after that, I can't say I'd blame you.

Anyway, right now I'm at work (like the naughty boy I am, sneaking on computers that the IT department may or may not be actively tracking..) I still work at the Senior Center, it's still full of beaurecratic bullshit (seriously, I don't know how any city's Community Services department can be run this slipshod and not get protested by its people), and I'm... still kind of stuck. I don't want to look for another job, but I may need to. I hate change. I really do. It's only good when you need a pepsi out of the vending machine. DeAnna's in school at the moment, going for a Paralegal degree, and I keep telling myself that everything will clear up once she graduates... but until then, I'm feeling rather stuck.


So! That's me in a nutshell.

Now to idle on this journal for another three years.
swordianmaster: (omfg DRUGS)
( Jun. 9th, 2006 10:06 am)
....I wonder if's a bad thing to go to your last day at a job after being (violently, by alarm clock) woken up from a dream about doing that exact job.
swordianmaster: (eem rly scawed)
( Mar. 10th, 2006 11:01 am)
Ugh. Life just keeps getting better, you know? At the moment, the suck is in remission and I've actually woken up a little early for work, so I can kind of vent in here. Maybe. If I can get the words out.


The senior center - James L. Brulte, mind you, the 'evolution' of my old job at the Rancho Cucamonga Senior Center - is killing me.

The politics, the inanity, the chiefs (we'll get to that later)... I'm getting way too stressed, and with a ~$600 a month job, I can't afford to do that. Especially with a child on the way and a significant other too pregnant to work. I got admitted to the hospital about a month ago, in ER state. Thought I was having a heart attack. Turns out, no heart attack, I just have approximately an unholy fuckload more liver enzymes than I should. So my liver is acting roughly like a weather balloon in my chest and trying to hump the hell out of all my internal organs.

I can only guess that stress, while not potentially the main factor, certainly played a role. I can't stand my job.

Sure. What I do is essentially banquet hall setup. That part is fine. If I was doing that for a hotel or a convention center, I'd be aces. But at the same time, I'm under a microscope, as I often feel like I'm the only indian in a tribe of chiefs, as the saying goes. As a general, we have at least five supervisors we answer to, when typically we have maybe... two people actually working at a time. I personally could be considered to have six, as June Reese, the woman in charge of the city's Trips and Tours program, seemed to have no problem begging to get me back doing work for her as soon as I got back into this job.

And then there's all the politics.

This is city government. Nothing, and I mean nothing ever goes right here. And folks above my head keep throwing around the blame like a football, completely ignorant that while they do so, our patrons are taking their own personal dissatisfaction with the center and placing responsibility solely on the one person who can't pass it on to someone else - the Recreation Assistants. The low men on the totem pole. The grunts. Me.This reflects poorly on my work ethic, and so I get yelled at by the same supervisors who should have stepped up to the mound and actually planned for situations such as may have happened.

The worst part? I can't seem to break free. Every job I've tried to find has been a dead end. I keep calling employment agencies, they don't call back. I interview with companies, I get rejected. All I'm asking for is a job that either pays a bit better, or that doesn' t keep pushing me further and further into a grave. Is that so much to ask?

Apparently it is. Apparently I'm not qualified to do anything but walk and drool on myself at the same time. Here are my current problems:

1) No car. This is by choice, but it's really wrecking my chances for a job. Don't these people know that some people can't drive!? I know [livejournal.com profile] pembrokewkorgi is medically prohibited from driving, and I personally feel that I can't trust myself behind the wheel without major psychiatric help. I have a fear of driving that stems from recurring nightmares in my early teen years, which may in turn be derived from repressed memories - no way to tell. Either way, I know that when I get behind the wheel, an accident is inevitable - Even if I drove perfectly, there are a lot of asshats with cellphones grafted into their skull out there, and I'd eventually get hit. And I seriously feel that if I do get in an accident, it won't happen again.

Because, you know, I'd be dead. That sort of thing always ruins my fun.

2) I have no degree. I have no way of showing how skilled I am. As a matter of fact, my final GPA at school was average if not downright abysmal. School was a really tough part of my life, and as in most things, the part that mattered the least to me - the schoolwork - got brushed under the carpet and ignored.

3) I've never been in a job more than two years. [livejournal.com profile] mutt12 had it easy. When I was living with him in Dallas, he got a job within weeks. Why? Because he lasted in a job known for its lay-offs for a good five years. I don't have that advantage. Hell, I haven't even been work-worthy for five years yet. I'm only twenty-two and already I have to do things like this.

4) This one is more of a personal thing - I won't work retail. I know how I react to problems better than anyone else, and I know the pressure of retail would make me snap in a matter of weeks. It has before - Engrave 'N Things proved that. Plus, I have absolutely no way of finding a job in retail that either a) pays more than minimum wage, b) hires full time hours, c) treats me like a real person, or d) any of the above.

I just feel trapped. I can't work at the center any more, but at the same time, I can't leave, and it seems like the only other options I have are ones that actually make me worse off than I am. Ugh..

And it doesn't help that my mother's job - since she's paying the bills and all - is raping her up the ass as bad, if not worse, than mine is. She's stretched thinner than a sheet, it's causing her noticable damage, as well, and worst of all, I can't do anything to help. I'm so mired in my own bills that I can barely even help her with expenses. (Of course, at the same time, she flat out recommends I try that very same company, knowing how badly it's screwed her. And doesn't understand why I refuse. The hell?)

And as a final minor bit of icing - little things, but still there:
1) My iPod fried again about a week ago. I'm beginning to think of trying to find Steve Jobs and giving him a swift kick in the iNards.
2) Tales of Phantasia for the GBA is published...by... Nintendo. MOTHERFUCKING NINTENDO. That means no, no review possibilities there, as Nintendo seems to hate WorthPlaying with a passion - or at least ignore the site with a something. Same shit happened with FF4 Advance... except -that- was playable on VBA. Lord only knows how ToP will run. IF there's a rom out there.

Argh. It's time to go to work.
.