Once again I find myself deeply embroiled in a Situation. Those who know me know that I try my best not to ask for help unless a sincere financial crisis arises, and even then I try to keep it to my closest friends.

This time I'm sending out a public call for help and encourage any and all spreading of the word. That should hint at the severity of things.

For those who don't know me or haven't talked to me in a while, here's our situation as it stands. I am on Social Security due to disability, as are my father-in-law and uncle-in-law. I can care for myself, but the other two require a caretaker. It's my wife's job to be their caretaker. It's part-time, but it along with the SSI stipends pay the bills... barely. The four of us - plus my two daughters - live together in what is now a three-bedroom apartment. I say "now" because that's where the problem started.

See, the complex we were formerly at sent out a general eviction notice - the entire complex needed to be cleared out by the end of September. As of such, even if we were looking for a new place, we were no longer provided the luxury of choice or preparation. The last month has been spent in a general haze of panic, and we finally moved yesterday... and promptly proceeded to get bled dry, financially.

Ignoring the increase in rent at the new place (which was planned for), the moving company that had worked with us proceeded to stiff us (assumedly? We don't have a receipt. It's being investigated now but this is a more immediate issue) and, more importantly, we lost a great deal of furniture in the move due to being utterly infested with bedbugs. Fortunately, many of those items were covered by insurance, but not all of them were. More importantly, combined with the first issue, we have basically no money left.

Normally I would let it roll off my back for now - our family's food stamps hit on the 5th and I'm used to living on the cheap - but our pantries are bare, we still need to get items to help prevent future bedbug reinfestations (on order of the new complex, which, let's be honest, I can't blame them), we don't have the money to pay mid-month bills, and on top of everything else, Time Warner is screwing us around with installing the phone and internet at the new apartment, which would not normally be a problem except my wife needs a land-line in order to clock in for her job. Which is to say, in order to get paid. (I'm currently typing this at a public library, to answer that.)

I need help. Any and all help, from any and all sources. I don't have much to give, admittedly - if you want to commission me for something writing-based, I would offer my services there, but I have no visual art skills to speak of. That means that anything we got would basically be donating to someone who needs help. I'm not sure how much we'll need - $400 seems like it would help get us by, but we also need to replace things that were broken, infested, or we just didn't have before now.

As has been done before, if you want to help, you can paypal money to me at katarani@gmail.com or wire it via Western Union - we have ways of getting the money immediately in either case. In addition, I've set up a GoFundMe, since the site was brought to my attention a few weeks ago and yes, I need the help that badly currently. If you can't help, then don't feel bad - just spread the word, keep me and my family in your well-wishes, and do your best to live your life better than this. (Do not end up like me, is what I am saying.)

EDIT: Due to current issues with getting WePay to work, money sent through GoFundMe will be inaccessible until I can get permission to link it to a bank account and/or get a bank account. All of our finances are currently managed through direct pay cards and Paypal, so this is the first time we've needed a bank to manage anything. This means that while I will still be able to make use of donations there (and am tracking donation progress), it will not be immediately of help.

EDIT 2: Thank those of you that have helped already; I hit the $400 that was needed for absolute essentials already, so anything from here on out is just help working things into such a place that I won't ever need to ask for help like this again. (There are a number of added expenses and soon-to-be-delinquent bills that will rack up quickly if not managed, and there's a few quality-of-life items we need to replace - laundry hampers, pillows and the like.)

Thank you for your time.
I'll make this simple. I need money. The usual caveats apply (I can't do anything with Paypal because my account's been frozen since 2007, so any money sent would have to be Western Union), but the long and short of it is:

I just... DeAnna got stiffed on her paycheck, and while that is being fixed on her next paycheck (meaning I can actually reimburse payment this time), we have almost literally no food.

Ariana's got stuff to last her a few more days, but even she doesn't have enough to last the week.

So yeah. I'm kind of in a bad situation. If anyone at all is able or willing to help, reply to this or send me a message on my usual contact methods...?
father in law is getting increasingly abusive, his addiction to painkillers is getting further and further out of control, and it may hit the point where we have to tell him to go fuck himself, even though he's pretty much the only reason we can still get bills paid

so, uh
hooray potential homelessness

But, oh hey! Let's look at the bright side! I have an interview Friday! For a full-time job that would pretty much systematically ruin the rest of my free time, make it so that I pretty much never see my daughter again (It's 3 PM-Midnight, and my daughter doesn't get home from school until about 3:15p)... and did I mention it was full-time when even a 20 hour job was enough to make me explosively violent and ruin any sort of connections I have with any of my friends, as well as enough to give me suicidal tendencies?
i give up. i can't fucking take this shit any more. i can't take life just deciding it's AOK to pile MORE bullshit onto me.

just so everyone knows, chances are... pretty fucking good that I'm going to completely lose net access sometime Thursday. Dunno when I'll get it back.

So... sorry. To people who like me. Or depend on me ha ha ha ha what am I saying.
Much like masturbation, free will and independent thought are perfectly natural processes and nothing to be ashamed of.

Also much like masturbation, free well and independent thought are things that one should keep to themselves, and not something that adults should engage in. Much as one finds a significant other and expands their sexual interests beyond themselves, one is expected to shed their free will and trudge out into the world, a faceless, bland slurry, no longer a "person" but instead "people". You are expected to be part of the collective, and any action to the contrary will be met with scorn, hatred, and ultimately violence.

If you cannot adapt to be part of the collective of mankind, you will be devoured whole by law, by cost, and by expectation.

In your best case scenario, you will be supported by your parents, who are already part of the collective and expect you to conform but tolerate your decision not to.

In your worst, you will be torn asunder as you watch the utter, total destruction of all you know and love. You will question the choices you have made as you get used and abused by others, by the very system that the country runs by, and by those you once called 'friends'. You will end up in a literal hole in the wall, sharing your bed with the cockroaches who are viewed with more esteem and respect than you. Those who choose to love you, as well as those forced into it such as children and pets, will be subjected to a similar fate and there is nothing you can do about it.

Either you will conform, or you will choose this fate for those you care about.

That is what "humanity" is. What "maturity" is.

Enjoy your free will while you are still young, as there is no place for it in "adult" life. You do not enter Hell when you die a sinner, you enter it when you live as a saint.

Unrelatedly, I now have a pony icon. I suppose this is another step towards conformity. Too little, too late.

These tacos are an eyesore.

These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos. These tacos.
swordianmaster: frustrated neku (noise)
( Jan. 30th, 2011 12:06 am)
Imma ask a few questions, and I want you folks to keep in mind your answers.

Assume you're in charge of a business. You know when the busiest day of the week falls, but your staff is spread thinly enough that you won't have a full staff for all shifts. Do you:

  1. Schedule more people for the busy day and keep the store shortstaffed on a typically slow period,
  2. Schedule as evenly as possible and use the slow periods to prepare for the busy shifts, or
  3. Schedule only your newest employees for the busiest shift since they "need the experience", and put the least productive team leader on the shift for similar reasons?

One of your employees calls off from work due to sickness. Do you:

  1. Call around, see if any other employees can cover the shift,
  2. Take up some of the responsibility yourself and delegate the rest - part of being a team means working together, or
  3. Do neither of these and make sure you're busy throughout the day doing things such as inventory and dropping off deposits so that you can't be bothered but are still technically "working"?

Finally, the Super Bowl has come to town. Literally, the biggest football game of the year is going to be taking place IN YOUR CITY. Do you:

  1. Schedule more staff for that week - after all, you'll be getting a lot more business and will need the extra help,
  2. Make sure your absolute best staff is scheduled for the day before and the day of the game so that the customers are as satisfied as possible when they visit, or
  3. Take last week's schedule, ctrl-c, ctrl-v. Print. Job done! :D

If you answered 3 to all of these, CONGRATULATIONS! You're my boss, a terrible person, and need to go get a lobotomy as it can only IMPROVE your intelligence.

And people wonder why I fucking hate my job.
The first time seeing a serious snowfall in person my entire life...

and it's ruined by the fact I have to go out walking in it in an hour in order to go to work. Fucking yippee.
You know that any day where I come home from work and the first words out of my mouth are "I want to find out where [my boss] lives, kill her, and set fire to the corpse" was a fantastic day.

This is what I get for asking other people for things. It's not even related, but karma noticed I just barely began to want anything for myself and RAPED ME UP THE ASS for it.
swordianmaster: rolling girl style miku (rolling girl)
( Dec. 24th, 2010 03:38 pm)
There is little out there that is more depressing than having to work on Christmas.

Except for the fact that, even with that time that I'm getting paid time and a half, I may still end up, due to stress making me leave work early or be sent home several days this paycheck, not having enough to make rent this next week.

And the fact that everyone in my family is too poor to get holiday gifts for me, and as of such the only thing I obtained is Traffic. Anyone who knows me well enough knows WHY this is a terrible gift, and why the person giving it - who knows FULL WELL my stance on movies and bought it anyway - should be ashamed if they really DID think this was something I'd enjoy.

Fuck the holidays. Hope everyone else's Christmas is better than mine.
I ask why (but in my mind I find) I can’t rely on myself

..ehehehahahahahah. You know you've hit one of your low points, emotionally, when you start finding lyrics from songs on Hybrid Theory to be more "appropriate" than "cathartic".

Yes, that means that my Angsty Spot is in the forefront of my mind. Fucking hell. Things are getting better, why the hell can't I get out of this job!?
swordianmaster: rolling girl style miku (mou ikkai mou ikkai)
( Nov. 28th, 2010 09:31 pm)
(9:24:36 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: This entire house of cards is all but literally resting on my back.
(9:24:52 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: Without me in a job, we literally have nothing. No way to pay rent, no way to move out, no way of ANYTHING.
(9:25:31 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: DeAnna's completely given up on most jobs because anything minimum wage will get so neutered by state of Florida clamoring for child support that it won't even cover transportation costs.
(9:28:01 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: At the same time, what I have doesn't pay enough to get me the medication I need in order to keep mostly level, and I will openly admit that I have had suicidal thoughts recently - ones that have been stopped only by the same thing stopping me from quitting. The total lack of a safety net, the fact that MY LIFE IS NO LONGER MINE TO LIVE.

i fucking hate this
i fucking hate this
i fucking hate this
i fucking hate this

Moral of the story: It's not drugs or alcohol that make you "a puppet dangling on strings" like those commercials suggest.

From the moment you are born until the moment you die, you will forever be manipulated by forces more powerful, more wealthy, more popular than you. In school, in your childhood clique of friends, once you get a job, once you raise a family.

There will always be some fucker holding a gun to your head, ready to fuck you over five ways to Thursday the instant you're no longer willing to dance for them. ALWAYS.
swordianmaster: frustrated neku (gfherghnrfgh)
( Nov. 25th, 2010 10:19 am)
i'm stuck in a job that makes me nigh suicidal, just to support a daughter that doesn't even listen to a thing i say. helping me raise that daughter is a woman i love who seems to not think i can do anything right, who is currently taking care of her own father who is such an unrelenting douchebag that he seems to care more about money and cigarettes than his own family, and yet she insists we visit him for the holiday, one that i have stated quite clearly i hate to begin with.

we're in a hovel of a single hotel room, one that is infested both with a swarm of houseflies and various sorts of other insect, and every day is practically an unending fight against them.

i don't even have my health - i've been coughing my lungs up for the past two weeks, my nose is running like a kenyan, and i'm not looking to get better any time soon due to the squalid conditions we're in and the high level of stress around me at all times. a lot of the things i used to find joy in are just further sources of stress, and, hey, guess what? everyone has worse problems than me so i can't even talk to anybody about anything because at least my problems are stable as opposed to me suddenly dying or bursting into flames.

oh, and i'm about three hundred miles from any of my family. yes, that was a conscious choice, but it's still something that has an effect.

i don't have a single. goddamn. thing. to be thankful for. go to hell, thanksgiving.
swordianmaster: frustrated neku (gfherghnrfgh)
( Nov. 17th, 2010 08:10 pm)
First order of business: I am sick. Like, pass out standing up, constantly in the bathroom, vomit my eyeballs out sick. I have called work and my assistant manager has said he will try to work things out, but I just get this feeling in my gut there is nothing I can do.

And so I am going to get chewed out by the General Manager.

For being sick.

Fuck you, Marbella.



Seriously, to this DAY I don't understand it, and I now have a heat blister on my thumb to prove how little I understand it.
swordianmaster: frustrated neku (*headdesk*)
( Nov. 11th, 2010 05:02 pm)
"mondai nai" to tsubuyaite
kotoba wa ushiwareta?

(4:48:43 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: ghrnfg
(4:48:46 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: why
(4:48:52 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: is behavioral health
(4:48:56 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: not seen as "important"
(4:50:06 PM) [livejournal.com profile] bossgoji: Because of the general devaluing of psychology as a 'soft' science. By which I mean, a bunch of old-school doctors being whiny and grumpy because a lot of it is subjective and hard to measure.
(4:50:24 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: THEN WHY CAN'T A NORMAL PHYSICIAN PRESCRIBE ME MY DAMN PROZAC.
(4:51:51 PM) [livejournal.com profile] bossgoji: Because a normal physician is not trained as a psychiatrist, and dealing with the nervous system is waaaaaay different science and medicine than dealing with normal organs.
(4:52:06 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: *headdesk*
(4:52:09 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: *headdesk*
(4:52:11 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: *headdesk*
(4:52:21 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: The short form of this mismash of bullshit?

*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*
swordianmaster: frustrated neku (*headdesk*)
( Sep. 16th, 2010 04:15 pm)



fuck me :|

I thought summer might be over by mid-september but I guess I was wrong hey hey

EDIT: Fuck it, I'm waiting until the sun goes down so I don't melt
The good: Yes, it is 100% confirmed, I have a job, I am on the payroll and have a schedule and everything. Granted, I probably won't start the PROPER working until this Saturday, but at least I'm getting paid for training.

The bad: It's part-time, as I stated. I have never had a full-time job in my life and due to the fact I have never gotten one I am starting to get an inferiority complex about my ability to PERFORM more than five hours a day.

The ugly: This is my job.

swordianmaster: daxter peering from bottom right. is it safe? (Is it safe?)
( Aug. 2nd, 2010 08:45 am)
Welp. First day at the new (part time, minimum wage, BUT NOT TEMP!) job. Hopefully it's training as I don't have the slightest fucking idea what to do. oDo

Wish me luck. Might get in on that half-nano thing going around later, hard to say.


swordianmaster: the crudest drawing of a sword imaginable (Default)
i am a sord lol


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