Twenty minutes ago, I came home with the daily groceries, put them away, loaded dirty dishes in the dishwasher and took out the trash all while my daughters, 9 and 16, sat in the living room watching a movie and didn't even glance my way past thanking me for getting them lunch. In other words, it was the same thing I do every day, just like always. Except now, in the back of my mind, memento mori rings clear. The reason for that goes back twelve hours: last night, there was an altercation in my apartment between my father-in-law, my spouse, and myself. It escalated to him calling the police on me for assault... and ended in him being taken away, in handcuffs, in the back of a squad car. They told us it was an outstanding warrant - others in the family say he had been talking just the other day about Failure to Appear In Court - but they also told us they, the City of Farmers Branch, would be pressing charges of family violence on him for what transpired.

Were we not locked in an abusive situation, I would be ecstatic about this news, and part of me still somewhat feels that way. Good riddance, that part of my brain says. He has taken our hospitality and used it to treat us like his personal slaves for five years, in a situation where he can do no wrong and anyone who says otherwise is the scum of the earth. Unfortunately, abusive situations always have a lock, a trap. A dead man's switch, if you would, where if the abuser is removed from a situation, everyone he interacted with is harmed. DeAnna, my spouse, was his stay-at-home caretaker, which meant his Medicaid was paying her income. If he is out of the picture, we not only lose the $600 contribution he made monthly to bills and rent, we lose over half of DeAnna's working wages. She only makes approximately $1000 a month in wages and can't find another job due to her newly-developed seizures (roughly one every two weeks, semi- but not completely predictable, for the last ten months) making it impossible to safely be alone or do labor for any span of time. If her abuser, one of her two clients, is out of the picture, we lose another $600 to $700 a month in her wages. I receive a $730 disability stipend every month due to my social anxiety and bipolar leaving me unable to cope in society, and her uncle - her other client - makes roughly the same due to being physically disabled and unable to walk more than a few feet at a time.

We could normally manage, even in this worst of times. We would ask for assistance, friends both in-person and online would do their best to help, and we would cut back as much as we could. It's not as tight a fit as it seems, considering losing the $600 contribution from my father-in-law would also mean we lose the $400+ deficit from his cigarette addiction which, to him, eclipses even the need for food or shelter. The problem, however, comes at the end of the next month.

On July 31st, the lease on our apartment expires. Most leases require you to have proof of income equal to or greater than double your rent in order for you to sign. Our rent is $1205 a month... and our household income, should the worst come to pass, would be $1700-1800 a month. I am mentally disabled, Steve is physically disabled, DeAnna has a condition that makes it a significant risk to herself and others for her to work. Even were she to get in a situation where Social Security would consider her a case for disability herself, there's not enough time for bureaucracy to work through its red tape and help.

There are three outcomes to this situation that I can see:

  • DeAnna's father is returned here with a slap on the wrist and a stern talking to. This is the best option financially, but the worst option emotionally. We wouldn't be in a hopeless situation... but the thought that it will happen again, far more permanently, will hang over us until it comes to pass once more. In addition, I have no doubts that he will hold this incident against me and against DeAnna if he was at all lucid during the incident, and will only abuse us harder should he be returned to the household.
  • DeAnna's father, while in custody, shows just how unstable and unwell he is, and gets taken to the locak psychiatric hospital. This is the best option emotionally, as it potentially allows everyone a chance to heal and recover... but it and the next option both leave us in dire straits where we may end up homeless in two months' time.
  • The worst comes to pass and DeAnna's father is either incarcerated or harmed due to his own recklessness and bullishness. This actually has no worse effects on the household than the last option, but it would strain on DeAnna's already fragile mental state more and could actually worsen whatever is causing her seizures. She and I already blame ourselves for what happened, as abuse victims often do.


I'm not asking for help here. I don't know what help we need, or even how to receive it. I'm not asking you to keep me in your prayers, as I came to terms with the fact long ago that, if there is a God that actually has power over this world, I and my family are forsaken by that God.

I just wanted to tell people about my situation. That way, if on August 1st, 2015, I'm no longer around... well, everyone knows why. That way, while I'm having an unending anxiety breakdown over the last few months and feel like the world is crumbling beneath my fingers, people know what caused it.

Thank you for reading this; if you have, know that you are one of the most important people in my life, and I love you like family. And I'm sorry, if I've ever hurt any of you.
Once again I find myself deeply embroiled in a Situation. Those who know me know that I try my best not to ask for help unless a sincere financial crisis arises, and even then I try to keep it to my closest friends.

This time I'm sending out a public call for help and encourage any and all spreading of the word. That should hint at the severity of things.

For those who don't know me or haven't talked to me in a while, here's our situation as it stands. I am on Social Security due to disability, as are my father-in-law and uncle-in-law. I can care for myself, but the other two require a caretaker. It's my wife's job to be their caretaker. It's part-time, but it along with the SSI stipends pay the bills... barely. The four of us - plus my two daughters - live together in what is now a three-bedroom apartment. I say "now" because that's where the problem started.

See, the complex we were formerly at sent out a general eviction notice - the entire complex needed to be cleared out by the end of September. As of such, even if we were looking for a new place, we were no longer provided the luxury of choice or preparation. The last month has been spent in a general haze of panic, and we finally moved yesterday... and promptly proceeded to get bled dry, financially.

Ignoring the increase in rent at the new place (which was planned for), the moving company that had worked with us proceeded to stiff us (assumedly? We don't have a receipt. It's being investigated now but this is a more immediate issue) and, more importantly, we lost a great deal of furniture in the move due to being utterly infested with bedbugs. Fortunately, many of those items were covered by insurance, but not all of them were. More importantly, combined with the first issue, we have basically no money left.

Normally I would let it roll off my back for now - our family's food stamps hit on the 5th and I'm used to living on the cheap - but our pantries are bare, we still need to get items to help prevent future bedbug reinfestations (on order of the new complex, which, let's be honest, I can't blame them), we don't have the money to pay mid-month bills, and on top of everything else, Time Warner is screwing us around with installing the phone and internet at the new apartment, which would not normally be a problem except my wife needs a land-line in order to clock in for her job. Which is to say, in order to get paid. (I'm currently typing this at a public library, to answer that.)

I need help. Any and all help, from any and all sources. I don't have much to give, admittedly - if you want to commission me for something writing-based, I would offer my services there, but I have no visual art skills to speak of. That means that anything we got would basically be donating to someone who needs help. I'm not sure how much we'll need - $400 seems like it would help get us by, but we also need to replace things that were broken, infested, or we just didn't have before now.

As has been done before, if you want to help, you can paypal money to me at katarani@gmail.com or wire it via Western Union - we have ways of getting the money immediately in either case. In addition, I've set up a GoFundMe, since the site was brought to my attention a few weeks ago and yes, I need the help that badly currently. If you can't help, then don't feel bad - just spread the word, keep me and my family in your well-wishes, and do your best to live your life better than this. (Do not end up like me, is what I am saying.)

EDIT: Due to current issues with getting WePay to work, money sent through GoFundMe will be inaccessible until I can get permission to link it to a bank account and/or get a bank account. All of our finances are currently managed through direct pay cards and Paypal, so this is the first time we've needed a bank to manage anything. This means that while I will still be able to make use of donations there (and am tracking donation progress), it will not be immediately of help.

EDIT 2: Thank those of you that have helped already; I hit the $400 that was needed for absolute essentials already, so anything from here on out is just help working things into such a place that I won't ever need to ask for help like this again. (There are a number of added expenses and soon-to-be-delinquent bills that will rack up quickly if not managed, and there's a few quality-of-life items we need to replace - laundry hampers, pillows and the like.)

Thank you for your time.
I'll make this simple. I need money. The usual caveats apply (I can't do anything with Paypal because my account's been frozen since 2007, so any money sent would have to be Western Union), but the long and short of it is:

I just... DeAnna got stiffed on her paycheck, and while that is being fixed on her next paycheck (meaning I can actually reimburse payment this time), we have almost literally no food.

Ariana's got stuff to last her a few more days, but even she doesn't have enough to last the week.

So yeah. I'm kind of in a bad situation. If anyone at all is able or willing to help, reply to this or send me a message on my usual contact methods...?
father in law is getting increasingly abusive, his addiction to painkillers is getting further and further out of control, and it may hit the point where we have to tell him to go fuck himself, even though he's pretty much the only reason we can still get bills paid

so, uh
hooray potential homelessness

But, oh hey! Let's look at the bright side! I have an interview Friday! For a full-time job that would pretty much systematically ruin the rest of my free time, make it so that I pretty much never see my daughter again (It's 3 PM-Midnight, and my daughter doesn't get home from school until about 3:15p)... and did I mention it was full-time when even a 20 hour job was enough to make me explosively violent and ruin any sort of connections I have with any of my friends, as well as enough to give me suicidal tendencies?
swordianmaster: fluttershy looking especially creepy (TACOOOOS)
( Jan. 19th, 2012 08:45 pm)
FIRST HEART ATTACK OF THE NEW COMPUTER:

SPONTANEOUS LOCKING UP.

Don't know why this is! Was it because I tried to install Avast? Was it because, as some weird on a message board somewhere speculated, the computer has an ISSUE with being hooked up to the power cord and the battery at the same time? Was it because it overheated? DID I GET A LEMON COMPUTER?

I DON'T FUCKING KNOW AHDHDSHASAKDFGDEKDFG.

whyyyyyy. why does this shit keep happeniiiiing

It seems to be behaving again, but forever in the back of my mind I'm gonna ask myself: FOR HOW LONG.
"There's plenty of ways for life to screw you over there, too."

hahahahahahaha FUCK YOU, [personal profile] baxil.

my world is pain )
Disclaimer: I am not mad at you for realsies, Bax. But aaaaaaaauuuuuuggghhh my life.
The port is busted on Amy's laptop - I tried to open it up and half of the port literally FELL OUT. Not only did it get desoldered, but it also got smashed to shit when the father-in-law fucking dropped it (a fact I was NOT MADE AWARE OF until EARLIER TODAY). Best Buy estimates that it'd be $150+ to repair if it WASN'T soldered to the mobo, but if it was attached to the mobo, the comp is totalled. (I couldn't open the laptop enough to see - it's not as easy as a computer is, darn it!)

The plus side there is that the HD and RAM are both perfectly fine, meaning the computer is perfectly viable for scavenging if Amy so desires it.

Likewise, the 60mb that I got from my friend is fine, but the Desktop's mobo is unmistakably fried.

I spent the last $10 of [livejournal.com profile] schrodikitten's gift money to get my bike tire fixed, and am now on a library computer for the moment. It's not a solution for RP, but at least I don't want to shove my head through a plate glass window now. God DAMN, fighting with a 3DS is a royal bitch.

Also, for those interested in helping out [personal profile] opalinesque to search for a cheap replacement, she has offered to help me out. Feel free to use this post to discuss things, I'll keep an eye on things from my remaining home link, though I might not reply too well.
swordianmaster: dragon maleficent gettin' stab (wicked)
( Jan. 10th, 2012 11:14 am)
(If anyone wants the proper status update, it's here.)

Once upon a time, there was an artist.

He wasn't a famous artist, or even successful. Some people claimed to enjoy his work, but there was no chance he would be remembered past his own generation. That didn't much matter, as he was content doing something he loved, and was on his way to being truly happy.

Then, one day, vandals came and ruined his art, his canvases, and his tools. He lost it all.

"A minor problem," he said to himself after his temper had subsided. "I can start anew. After all, the creation is the part I enjoy the most."

He continued for a time... and then a tragic fire took his studio, as well as the use of his hands, which had been mangled beyond repair as he tried to escape with his life.

He was visibly shaken, and admitted to a clinic by those who loved him. Eventually, he started to recover. "After all, I have people who love me dearly; they provide me inspiration." He continued to work, improvising to make up for his shortcomings. All was well for a brief time.

Soon, however, came the debtors. Unable to pay, they took instead his tongue and one leg. Those who tried to help were pushed away... but not before they, too, had their money taken.

Knowing that those that cared for him loved to see his smile, he could not give in to despair, no matter how much he desired to. He could hardly speak, however, and watched as more and more of his friends became unable to cope with the bleakness of his situation. He could communicate, out of sheer desperation, but it was incredibly painful and simply made the losses more obvious to all.

One day, the man stared in the mirror and thought, "I apologize for the sins of all of the world, as I have clearly been sentenced to Hell."

The mirror gave no reply.
swordianmaster: frustrated neku (gfherghnrfgh)
( Jan. 10th, 2012 11:05 am)
Worst case scenarios.

As far as my computer (the desktop), it's about 95% certain that the entire problem is the motherboard. The 'new' HDD I was given doesn't spin up when it's connected to the IDE cable, but does otherwise. Connections are fine, which means either spontaneous cable failure or fucked mobo.

As far as Amy's comp (the laptop), it's a problem with the DC port somehow. 75%/25% chance, I'd say, of it being the port vs the charger cable.

So, yeah. both comps are pretty much DOA. I'd need a miracle right now.
So.
I'm typing this on my daughter's 3DS. Remember how I was on a loaner laptop?

The charger is somehow fried and until it can be fixed, I'm totally computerless.

I really wish this seven year streak of bad "luck" would just end...
swordianmaster: the crudest drawing of a sword imaginable (PERFECT ORBIT MY ASS)
( Dec. 8th, 2011 05:51 pm)
(5:37:22 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: 23 muscle relaxers in 7 days.
(5:37:39 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: And he says he doesn't overmedicate.
(5:37:40 PM) [livejournal.com profile] bossgoji: O_O
(5:37:45 PM) [livejournal.com profile] bossgoji: Jesus christ!
(5:37:49 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: Yeeeah.
(5:38:04 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: He's gone through three weeks worth of meds in one week.
(5:38:24 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: More than, actually.
(5:38:35 PM) [livejournal.com profile] bossgoji: Sigh.
(5:38:54 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: Leading to moments like this, where he SOUNDS lucid, but he's barely able to keep himself upright and seems to have flashed back to about a year ago,
(5:39:11 PM) [livejournal.com profile] bossgoji: Yeeeeeeeeeeeesh.
(5:39:16 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: WELCOME TO MY LIFE :D

EDIT:
(6:05:04 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: hahahaha and in trying to defend DeAnna, I hear exactly what I've been expecting to hear.
(6:05:14 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: I don't contribute anything to this house, so shut the fuck up. :D
(6:05:28 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: And then I get yelled at for not keeping my mouth shut.
(6:05:41 PM) [livejournal.com profile] bossgoji: =(
(6:06:40 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: And now he's stumbling around, wondering where the truck is.
(6:07:08 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: I don't know if I've mentioned to you? But the entire time since I've been in Texas we have been completely without motorized transportation. That is at LEAST a year and a half.
swordianmaster: frustrated neku (noise)
( Nov. 27th, 2011 05:45 am)
nononononoNONONONONO NO NO NO NO

THIS ISN'T HAPPENING

WHY WON'T THE THING BOOT INTO WINDOWS

THAT DRIVE WAS CONFIRMED GOOD, BY A SOURCE I TRUSTED

WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS THING KEEP REBOOTING WHEN IT TRIES TO GET INTO WINDOWS

AFHCDSHDFEGSAFSDS
it all started with a crc error on a torrent I was running.

Things snowballed, as they tend to on computers, and now it appears that my hard-drive is completely, irreversibly, 100% fubar'd. There might be more wrong. I don't know. It's a six-year-old computer, and I can't afford to get any replacement... well... anything.

I'm typing this from a public library computer; a computer which will only allow me one hour of usage per day. But at the same time, I don't know what else to do. Part of this is to let people know that I'm not going to be around for obvious reasons (my LJ RP hiatus notices will point here), and part of this is to do... well, the only thing I'm good at any more. Whining about how life keeps shitting on me, and begging for a reprieve somehow.

Money isn't going to help. Not really. Even if it did, I already pretty much exhausted what resources I have online to keep my net/phone/tv bill from defaulting.

I have... I would assume no credit, just because if I don't have NO credit, I'm sure to have NEGATIVE - the bills are in my name, after all, I have unpaid medical bills that went to creditors, and Paypal defaulted me on an $80 I can't pay or dispute.

I really have no way of getting out of this situation. If anyone can lend a hand with a computer of some sort, please... please, let me know.

Out of respect for my family, I'm gonna put any contact information under a F-Lock in the next post; if you sincerely are able to help, either reply here (so I can contact you when I am able) or ask one of my friends for help (I know for a fact [livejournal.com profile] bossgoji will at least be aware of this, and I'm sure there's others)

I'm sorry I have to keep doing this. I wish I knew why everything was just piling on me in the last two years.
HEY

HEY GUYS

REMEMBER WHEN I COMPLAINED ABOUT BASICALLY RUNNING PRESCRIPTION DRUGS SO MY FATHER-IN-LAW COULD GET CIGARETTES

WELL APPARENTLY

IN THE WHOLE WHOPPING HOUR THAT I WAS OUT GETTING GROCERIES

THE CHICK THAT WAS DOING THAT SHIT CALLED

AND SO NOW

MY EVER SO GENEROUS FAMILY

HAS DECIDED TO INVITE A DRUGGIE INTO OUR HOUSE TO STAY UNTIL SHE "GETS BACK ON HER FEET"

WITHOUT MY INPUT

BECAUSE THEY "CAN'T STAND TO SEE SOMEONE WITHOUT A PLACE TO STAY"

HEY

HEY FUCKERS

DID YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S A MOTHERFUCKING ADDICT THAT SHE GOT INTO THIS SITUATION

AND IT'S NICE THAT YOU GUYS CAN MAKE DECISIONS THAT COULD ACTUALLY GET US KICKED OUT OF OUR HOME

IN THE SPAN OF FIVE FUCKING MINUTES

WITHOUT ANY INPUT FROM THE OTHER PEOPLE LIVING HERE

BECAUSE YOU'RE OH SO FUCKING GENEROUS

OH YEAH

AND LET'S NOT FORGET THAT WE'RE STRUGGLING TO MAKE ENDS MEET AS IT IS

AND THAT WE'RE INTRODUCING ANOTHER DRUGGIE INTO A HOUSEHOLD WITH A FIVE-YEAR-OLD GIRL

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHGSIVUHFOUVNOSUFOGVIR
i give up. i can't fucking take this shit any more. i can't take life just deciding it's AOK to pile MORE bullshit onto me.

just so everyone knows, chances are... pretty fucking good that I'm going to completely lose net access sometime Thursday. Dunno when I'll get it back.

So... sorry. To people who like me. Or depend on me ha ha ha ha what am I saying.
fuck you, Verizon. Fuck you, and not allowing even partial payments to the $291 you insist we owe you.

Not gonna ask for money again; Western Union makes that far more of a clusterfuck than I want anyone to go through, and more importantly, I'm sick of owing people. In addition, the ability to pay it is, currently - a big unknown. I don't KNOW if we're getting help to pay it or not, and I don't want to ask people to help if we don't need it because GOD FUCKING DAMN, ANY FUCKING MONEY THAT IS UNACCOUNTED FOR JUST GOES TO SHOVELING CIGARETTES DOWN MY FUCKING FATHER-IN-LAW'S GULLET.

I'm sick of this. I really am. There's a small pile of pocket change sitting right in front of the computer, nice and stacked up, and I know for a fact that someone's being passive-aggressive and expecting me to go out and buy cigarettes with it. And I know if I don't, someone else will. Except, everyone here knows that, being how I am, that will just make me feel GUILTIER because I'm more capable. And so, in my refusal, I'm making others strain themselves. Including a fifty-five year old who can barely WALK twenty feet, much less the 500 meters or so it is to the local gas station.

I know for a fact that he will violently oppose change on this stance, considering his, well, forceful outbursts and the fact that his view on his smoking habit is "It's my body, if I want to kill it, so be it", his shortsighted nature meaning he doesn't give two and a half shits about anybody but himself (if he did, he'd actually consider SAVING SOME OF HIS SSI CHECK FOR BILLS instead of squandering it on goddamn FAST FOOD CRAVINGS) and, again, if you tell him no, he'll either lash out at you or force himself to do it - one way or another, to defy him is to have SOMEBODY get hurt.

I'm fucking SICK of this.
swordianmaster: frustrated neku (gfherghnrfgh)
»

Guh

( Sep. 21st, 2011 07:36 am)
So. Remember how I said "crisis averted"? Well, it still is, don't get me wrong.

But that happiness died off REAL QUICK. I'll simplify my tasks and DeAnna's into a single lump itinerary as she's the one who usually deals with bureaucratic bullshit; it's her specialty being a lawyer, but either way, here's a rundown of what happened in my day after that point:

  • Have father-in-law head to doctor to get prescription painkillers. Find out that transportation has taken too long to show up, and then proceeds to DROP HIM OFF, and then proceed to wait FOUR HOURS for him to get home from a THIRTY MINUTE excursion due to Medicare Transport fuckery.
  • Get continually harassed by whom I believe is a freaking addict who previously knew father-in-law, wants to buy said painkillers off of him.
  • After fath-in-law gets home (at about 2:45p, remember this time), call Verizon to pay off outstanding balance. Find out that next month's bill will be $50 MORE and will continue to be that much. Fight constantly with them in order to figure out exactly WHAT these extra charges are coming from, find out that they're from things that we were told were not fee-based (replacing faulty equipment), things we did not intend to sign up for but did anyway due to misplaced button presses (for some reason, they thought we wanted the Cinemax bundle, wtf), things that we thought we needed but no longer do (second phone line, the most understandable thing there).
  • Proceed to yell and scream and curse at Verizon to get the problem fixed. Finally, it's resolved... at 4:15p. Sigh, pull out hair for being on the phone for an hour and a half, try to get online to actually PAY bill since somehow that whole thing got tangled up in so much bullshit.
  • Scream.
  • Find out that the online billpay won't let us PAY bills for some braindead reason. (Turns out later that we needed to clear our cookies, HRRRRRR.) Call Verizon and waste ANOTHER half hour.
  • Thank whatever deities exist that we're finally done with Verizon.
  • Realize we need to get groceries. Get on bike with oppressively standard-sized backpack, bike to store. Make two trips due to backpacks really not being designed to be used in grocery delivery. Curse the fact that society expects ALL CARS, ALL THE TIME.
  • Do best to not get run over despite the fact that brakes on bike do not work and motorists think you're an OBSTACLE instead of a LIVING BEING.
  • Come home, forget about actually eating, crash at first possible opportunity for almost twelve hours.


So... yes. So much rage. Enough so that I'm going to be setting up a few new tags to quantify my hate.

Those of you familiar with Touhou and/or Japanese folklore might recognize Kaguya-hime's five impossible tasks. Well, I've got my own set.

Impossible Request #1: Deal with Verizon Customer Support
Impossible Request #2: Work at Jack In The Box (Renamed from the old "Jack in the Bfish" tag, and will not so much be used now that I have left that shithole)
Impossible Request #3: Raise Children (renamed from "Children are Demons" tag)
Impossible Request #4: Survive Texas Roads and Motorists
Impossible Request #5: Endure Texas summer heat

Kaguya would be proud. I'm just livid.
Okay, the situation is a bit more dire than I was aware. It appears that, for whatever reason, Verizon has been giving us the screwjob end of the stick, we haven't gotten our monthly for SEVERAL months, and we had to fight an uphill battle for them to even turn the phone/net/TV back on for a WEEK until we pay our past-due balance. Our past due balance is about $100 $80 $60 more than we actually have. If we do not pay the amount they're asking in full by Friday, we get it all turned off.

Now, the TV I personally could live without. However, it's a bundle package, and I need the 'net to continue looking for jobs, and FAR MORE IMPORTANTLY, DeAnna needs the phone in order to clock in every day and get HER paycheck, period.

As of such, this is rather important.

Now, I can't ask any single person for help on this, and... yes, I already noted that me and Paypal are sadly not on speaking terms. However, if it's possible for ANY of my friends to spare something through Western Union - Even $10, even $20 - I'd be greatly appreciative. I can't promise you'll see the money back quickly, but I'll remember those who have helped out here, and I'll do... something to make up for it. I don't know how, or when, but I will do what I can.

If you're willing and able to help, contact me through replies here, on AIM at Bahamut725, or, well, wherever you actually know me from.

Thanks in advance, and I'm sorry that it had to come to this.
(7:12:24 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: I feel like everything's falling apart. Again.
(7:13:28 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: I'm still unemployed, my father-in-law - who, through the fact he gets SSI and the fact that DeAnna is on payroll as HIS CARETAKER, is our only source of income - is in the hospital getting abnormal CAT readings and with blood being found in his stomach
(7:13:59 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: Even WITH the money we're bringing in, it's going to be a small miracle if we can manage to pay electric and phone bills both this month
(7:14:44 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: We're gonna run out of food stamp money about two weeks before we get more - AS USUAL, we haven't had the chance to do laundry for over a month
(7:14:50 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: The cats have no fresh litter, no food - we've been feeding them bargain bin luncheon meat
(7:15:07 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: DeAnna's to the point where HER addiction is starting to put a strain on everything...
(7:15:21 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: Things were supposed to get better.
(7:15:23 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: This is not better.
(7:15:50 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: And I can't help but feel like the world is trying to pile the guilt onto me because I don't have any way of making money.
(7:16:20 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: What am I supposed to do? Resort to theft? Start killing people? Whoring myself out? (Hah, as if /that/ would work)
(7:16:54 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: I'm already basically a goddamn drug runner, enabling my fath-in-law to sell off his prescription meds just so we can GET BY.
(7:18:02 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: And the worst part is, /I'm/ not even the one getting the worst of the pressure, meaning I get to just sit and uselessly watch as this basically makes DeAnna fall apart.

(7:19:42 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: if we had any sort of safety net here i'd suggest that [[livejournal.com profile] bossgoji] come over this way should things go wrong with DeAnna's dad
(7:19:43 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: but
(7:19:45 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: we don't
(7:19:51 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: meaning if his body gives up on him
(7:19:59 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: that's it
(7:20:01 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: there's nothing else
(7:20:09 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: nothing to fall back on
(7:21:59 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: I just wish I knew what to do.
(7:22:13 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: It's real easy to say "you need to get a job", but... even if I did look harder than I have been
(7:22:19 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: Even if I got a job tomorrow
(7:22:40 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: bills are due in exactly one week, I don't know exactly how much we have that we're able to pay
(7:22:46 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: we may not have ANY money at ALL

(7:27:23 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: All the bridges are burned anyway. Both me and DeAnna have frozen paypal accounts because we owe them individually at least $100 each
(7:27:47 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: the reason we may not have ANY money is because both of us are individually in debt to Chase at least that much
(7:28:01 PM) [livejournal.com profile] swordianmaster: To say nothing of the child support that keeps getting leeched from DeAnna
swordianmaster: frustrated neku (noise)
( Aug. 11th, 2011 12:43 pm)
And now I had to reinstall WinXP.

hrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


Thankfully, all of my data is intact, it's just... getting everything fit back into the programs after I reinstall them.
.

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swordianmaster: the crudest drawing of a sword imaginable (Default)
i am a sord lol

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