Once again I find myself deeply embroiled in a Situation. Those who know me know that I try my best not to ask for help unless a sincere financial crisis arises, and even then I try to keep it to my closest friends.

This time I'm sending out a public call for help and encourage any and all spreading of the word. That should hint at the severity of things.

For those who don't know me or haven't talked to me in a while, here's our situation as it stands. I am on Social Security due to disability, as are my father-in-law and uncle-in-law. I can care for myself, but the other two require a caretaker. It's my wife's job to be their caretaker. It's part-time, but it along with the SSI stipends pay the bills... barely. The four of us - plus my two daughters - live together in what is now a three-bedroom apartment. I say "now" because that's where the problem started.

See, the complex we were formerly at sent out a general eviction notice - the entire complex needed to be cleared out by the end of September. As of such, even if we were looking for a new place, we were no longer provided the luxury of choice or preparation. The last month has been spent in a general haze of panic, and we finally moved yesterday... and promptly proceeded to get bled dry, financially.

Ignoring the increase in rent at the new place (which was planned for), the moving company that had worked with us proceeded to stiff us (assumedly? We don't have a receipt. It's being investigated now but this is a more immediate issue) and, more importantly, we lost a great deal of furniture in the move due to being utterly infested with bedbugs. Fortunately, many of those items were covered by insurance, but not all of them were. More importantly, combined with the first issue, we have basically no money left.

Normally I would let it roll off my back for now - our family's food stamps hit on the 5th and I'm used to living on the cheap - but our pantries are bare, we still need to get items to help prevent future bedbug reinfestations (on order of the new complex, which, let's be honest, I can't blame them), we don't have the money to pay mid-month bills, and on top of everything else, Time Warner is screwing us around with installing the phone and internet at the new apartment, which would not normally be a problem except my wife needs a land-line in order to clock in for her job. Which is to say, in order to get paid. (I'm currently typing this at a public library, to answer that.)

I need help. Any and all help, from any and all sources. I don't have much to give, admittedly - if you want to commission me for something writing-based, I would offer my services there, but I have no visual art skills to speak of. That means that anything we got would basically be donating to someone who needs help. I'm not sure how much we'll need - $400 seems like it would help get us by, but we also need to replace things that were broken, infested, or we just didn't have before now.

As has been done before, if you want to help, you can paypal money to me at katarani@gmail.com or wire it via Western Union - we have ways of getting the money immediately in either case. In addition, I've set up a GoFundMe, since the site was brought to my attention a few weeks ago and yes, I need the help that badly currently. If you can't help, then don't feel bad - just spread the word, keep me and my family in your well-wishes, and do your best to live your life better than this. (Do not end up like me, is what I am saying.)

EDIT: Due to current issues with getting WePay to work, money sent through GoFundMe will be inaccessible until I can get permission to link it to a bank account and/or get a bank account. All of our finances are currently managed through direct pay cards and Paypal, so this is the first time we've needed a bank to manage anything. This means that while I will still be able to make use of donations there (and am tracking donation progress), it will not be immediately of help.

EDIT 2: Thank those of you that have helped already; I hit the $400 that was needed for absolute essentials already, so anything from here on out is just help working things into such a place that I won't ever need to ask for help like this again. (There are a number of added expenses and soon-to-be-delinquent bills that will rack up quickly if not managed, and there's a few quality-of-life items we need to replace - laundry hampers, pillows and the like.)

Thank you for your time.
I wanted to apologize for how I acted to, well, just about everyone this last week. For those who don't know, my laptop charger broke so I was functionally left without a computer.

I did not take it well, and turned into a raging hosebeast.

This wasn't really just about the computer, not exactly... most of the folks who watch this journal know that I've got rapid-cycling Bipolar II, severe anxiety problems, and anger management issues. The crux there? I've been off my medication for more than a year. Now that I'm on SSI, I can get the assistance I need in order to get it again, but before a few weeks ago I wasn't able to. And.. you know... funny thing about depression: When you have it, you don't have the motivation to do what's needed to help the depression. It's like a muddy hole you can't QUITE crawl out of.

The tl;dr of this all is simple. Even as soon as last Sunday (when I first found out about the laptop problem) I said a bunch of things that I didn't quite mean, out of anger or panic.

I apologize to any and all I may have hurt in that time, and wanted to reassure you all that steps are being taken to try to prevent such panic attacks in the future.

Thank you for your time.
Welp.

DeAnna and Amy just left for Austin, to audition for X-Factor. (Rather, Amy is auditioning, DeAnna is moral support). This has me worried for several reasons.

One, they're basically grazing a tornado; we're getting the southern bands here, and it's not gonna clear up before they reach Austin.

Two, even if everything goes without a hitch, they'll be gone until late Thursday/early Friday.

For the rest of the week, I am the sole person taking care of my daughter and keeping an eye on my father-in-law.

I am scared shitless.

EDIT: Just to clear things up, as comments were already made:
(9:40:40 PM) bahamut725: I'm not holding this against DeAnna
(9:41:12 PM) bahamut725: if one of my friends had basically nobody else believing they could make anything of themselves
(9:41:17 PM) bahamut725: I'd be there for them no matter what, too
(9:41:22 PM) bahamut725: and this was discussed. At length.
(9:41:37 PM) bahamut725: Doesn't make the reality of it any less terrifying.
The port is busted on Amy's laptop - I tried to open it up and half of the port literally FELL OUT. Not only did it get desoldered, but it also got smashed to shit when the father-in-law fucking dropped it (a fact I was NOT MADE AWARE OF until EARLIER TODAY). Best Buy estimates that it'd be $150+ to repair if it WASN'T soldered to the mobo, but if it was attached to the mobo, the comp is totalled. (I couldn't open the laptop enough to see - it's not as easy as a computer is, darn it!)

The plus side there is that the HD and RAM are both perfectly fine, meaning the computer is perfectly viable for scavenging if Amy so desires it.

Likewise, the 60mb that I got from my friend is fine, but the Desktop's mobo is unmistakably fried.

I spent the last $10 of [livejournal.com profile] schrodikitten's gift money to get my bike tire fixed, and am now on a library computer for the moment. It's not a solution for RP, but at least I don't want to shove my head through a plate glass window now. God DAMN, fighting with a 3DS is a royal bitch.

Also, for those interested in helping out [personal profile] opalinesque to search for a cheap replacement, she has offered to help me out. Feel free to use this post to discuss things, I'll keep an eye on things from my remaining home link, though I might not reply too well.
swordianmaster: (wicked)
( Jan. 10th, 2012 11:14 am)
(If anyone wants the proper status update, it's here.)

Once upon a time, there was an artist.

He wasn't a famous artist, or even successful. Some people claimed to enjoy his work, but there was no chance he would be remembered past his own generation. That didn't much matter, as he was content doing something he loved, and was on his way to being truly happy.

Then, one day, vandals came and ruined his art, his canvases, and his tools. He lost it all.

"A minor problem," he said to himself after his temper had subsided. "I can start anew. After all, the creation is the part I enjoy the most."

He continued for a time... and then a tragic fire took his studio, as well as the use of his hands, which had been mangled beyond repair as he tried to escape with his life.

He was visibly shaken, and admitted to a clinic by those who loved him. Eventually, he started to recover. "After all, I have people who love me dearly; they provide me inspiration." He continued to work, improvising to make up for his shortcomings. All was well for a brief time.

Soon, however, came the debtors. Unable to pay, they took instead his tongue and one leg. Those who tried to help were pushed away... but not before they, too, had their money taken.

Knowing that those that cared for him loved to see his smile, he could not give in to despair, no matter how much he desired to. He could hardly speak, however, and watched as more and more of his friends became unable to cope with the bleakness of his situation. He could communicate, out of sheer desperation, but it was incredibly painful and simply made the losses more obvious to all.

One day, the man stared in the mirror and thought, "I apologize for the sins of all of the world, as I have clearly been sentenced to Hell."

The mirror gave no reply.
swordianmaster: (gfherghnrfgh)
( Jan. 10th, 2012 11:05 am)
Worst case scenarios.

As far as my computer (the desktop), it's about 95% certain that the entire problem is the motherboard. The 'new' HDD I was given doesn't spin up when it's connected to the IDE cable, but does otherwise. Connections are fine, which means either spontaneous cable failure or fucked mobo.

As far as Amy's comp (the laptop), it's a problem with the DC port somehow. 75%/25% chance, I'd say, of it being the port vs the charger cable.

So, yeah. both comps are pretty much DOA. I'd need a miracle right now.
So.
I'm typing this on my daughter's 3DS. Remember how I was on a loaner laptop?

The charger is somehow fried and until it can be fixed, I'm totally computerless.

I really wish this seven year streak of bad "luck" would just end...
swordianmaster: (supernerdy)
( Oct. 26th, 2011 04:38 am)
I feel like rambling, and I feel like explaining myself, so here goes.

By now, most people have been sublimated by the memetic appeal of the phrase "first world problems", ie the type of crap that only people in a overwealthy, pampered society would be overly bothered by. A lot of folk in real life have had to deal with third world problems - ie REAL problems - because of the recession: lack of food, shelter, medical attention, that sort of thing.

A lot of what I have to deal with, instead, are what I've dubbed "second world problems".

For those who don't know their socio-political history, the whole Three Worlds theory first started as an "Us Vs Them" portrayal in the Cold War era, strictly political. The particulars are sketchy, but the First World was whichever side you in particular were on (usually the US's side, or one of its closest allies such as Britain or France), the Second World was the other side (in turn typically the communist nations of the world). The Third World was unaligned countries. This got noticed when the definitions took a more financially-slanted term - most of what had been labeled as 'third world' were typically too impoverished to CARE about things like WW3, a nuclear winter was nothing when everyone in your village was dying of cholera, as an example.

However, as the "Second World" died out in usage after the cold war, I've kind of adopted it as a go-between. Second world problems, for me, are the type of problems that you wouldn't get in a third-world country... but that you WOULD get in the less fortunate sectors of the first world, namely slums.

"That hooker gave me an STD" would be a second-world problem. "I'm trapped in a rival gang's turf without any means of defending myself" is another. "My father-in-law is selling his prescription drugs to get a nicotine fix", in a more personal example. Stuff that is deeply disconcerting, but does not directly counteract the BASIC needs for living - food, water, shelter - even if they are potentially life-threatening.

Where do my recent computer issues fall? I'm not sure. By all rights, were this a third-world scenario (or even second-world) I would already be dead, insane, or imprisoned. I cannot handle face-to-face social interaction. Period. The computer, and the internet, is my voice, it is my sanity, it is what keeps me alive.

So it's hard to say. "The complex machinery that is allowing me to function on a level resembling human is starting to fail" isn't really a shallow, minor inconvenience like a first world problem, but... it still sounds overly priveledged.

I don't know where I was going with this. I just wanted to ramble. Hope nobody minds, as I don't much care.
swordianmaster: (it's always the quiet ones)
( Oct. 24th, 2011 06:05 pm)
Well, we've been lent a laptop from Ariana's godmother Amy, but she 1) needs it for school eventually and 2) it's crasheriffic - freezes when browsing are frequent, albeit temporary.

It's better than nothing, but it's only a temporary stopgap measure, so I'm not going to say no if help is being offered, as has been in the previous thread.


In all seriousness, it stuns me how many genuinely good people there are out on the internet, especially considering how atrocious the everyday offline joe is. I honestly expected a bunch of "sorry, can't help you", but what I got was sincere attempts to help - while I may or may not be able to use what is offered, depending on what you guys have, the fact that you're willing to OFFER in the first place is just... well, awe-inspiring.

I love all of you. Even the ones that haven't said anything, or haven't had a chance to, yet.
it all started with a crc error on a torrent I was running.

Things snowballed, as they tend to on computers, and now it appears that my hard-drive is completely, irreversibly, 100% fubar'd. There might be more wrong. I don't know. It's a six-year-old computer, and I can't afford to get any replacement... well... anything.

I'm typing this from a public library computer; a computer which will only allow me one hour of usage per day. But at the same time, I don't know what else to do. Part of this is to let people know that I'm not going to be around for obvious reasons (my LJ RP hiatus notices will point here), and part of this is to do... well, the only thing I'm good at any more. Whining about how life keeps shitting on me, and begging for a reprieve somehow.

Money isn't going to help. Not really. Even if it did, I already pretty much exhausted what resources I have online to keep my net/phone/tv bill from defaulting.

I have... I would assume no credit, just because if I don't have NO credit, I'm sure to have NEGATIVE - the bills are in my name, after all, I have unpaid medical bills that went to creditors, and Paypal defaulted me on an $80 I can't pay or dispute.

I really have no way of getting out of this situation. If anyone can lend a hand with a computer of some sort, please... please, let me know.

Out of respect for my family, I'm gonna put any contact information under a F-Lock in the next post; if you sincerely are able to help, either reply here (so I can contact you when I am able) or ask one of my friends for help (I know for a fact [livejournal.com profile] bossgoji will at least be aware of this, and I'm sure there's others)

I'm sorry I have to keep doing this. I wish I knew why everything was just piling on me in the last two years.
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i am a sord lol

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